Jazmine Lawrence is a second-year Master of Arts (Theology) student at Acadia Divinity College, to which she transferred in 2023 out of her third year in a Master of Divinity program at a complementarian seminary. Prior to seminary, she served for fourteen years in the Royal Canadian Air Force. She now lives in Nova Scotia with her husband and son and attends the Halifax Metro Vineyard.
I first felt the prickle of alarm about hierarchy when I was attending a complementarian seminary several years ago, followed by an accompanying sense of danger as I diverged from my church, denomination and seminary's views. The very tools the seminary provided for translation, exegesis and hermeneutics gave me access to the Hebrew and Greek texts and contexts that drew me away from their conclusions.
For an Old Testament class, I decided to investigate the daughters of Zelophehad (Numbers 27:1-11). I wondered whether obscure stories about women in the Old Testament could offer comfort as I careened away from the mainstream of my Christian communities. The insight was powerfully encouraging at the time, but its intrigue dimmed against the backdrop of rapidly worsening physical and mental health.
Fast-forward to 2023 when my family moved (back) to Nova Scotia and joined an egalitarian church, and I transferred to Acadia Divinity College. I cried every week in worship at church, and I cried my first day at ADC. Just the intuitive feel of the places was that much of a difference from what I’d known to elicit a visceral reaction.
The space for my body and soul to start healing was enough to rework that paper I had written, receive input from several profs, and submit it to the Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE) International’s 2024 student paper contest.
It won. (!)
So, I was off to July’s 2024 CBE International Conference in Denver, Colorado, to present. It wasn’t the public speaking that posed a concern. It was that my health was so poor, I hesitated to commit to such a big trip. To get past the barrier, it took my husband and son and others' strong encouragement to not miss the opportunity, and the friend who originally introduced me to CBE (passing the link’s illicit material at seminary) flying out to join me. Beyond presenting, however, I confess I wasn't sure what I could expect to gain. Indeed, being unfamiliar with the conference, I simply hoped there wouldn’t be any toxic feminism.
This is what I experienced: CBE staff reaching out beforehand to ensure that I and the other two paper winners were warmly congratulated, coordinated and welcomed. Reconnecting upon arrival with people I'd met years ago and receiving their heartfelt encouragement, compassion for the health issues, and grace to let me go nap (yet again) when I couldn't handle socializing anymore. Conversations with not just theologians I admire but their family members and current students, all with stories about why this conference and egalitarianism is so meaningful to them. Humbling smiles, handshakes and outright hugs from complete strangers in thanks for what they gleaned from my presentation. New friends in earlier, similar or more advanced stages of recovery from hierarchy who deeply relate to the pain and cling to similar hope for Jesus healing us. Plus, a wide variety of eye-opening sessions, ranging from deep exegesis of key words and texts underpinning hierarchical or egalitarian perspectives, to pastoral instruction and care that functioned as salve for the healing journey.
In a nutshell: far more riches than I'd expected, wrapped in an instructively warm-hearted atmosphere from which to take cuttings and transplant back in our local Christian communities.
The fact remains that I didn't feel well the whole time, but the memory of those physical sensations has faded against the backdrop of an atmosphere of such kindness, compassion and peace. It was a safe space to learn, process and re-vision church life together and the Church as a whole on a communal healing journey. I came away not so much reaffirmed that I'm not alone on the journey as realizing that I'm part of a much bigger journey, a large-scale exodus from hierarchy with enormous Great Commission impact to come. After all, revivals have historically involved women who are welcomed to the leading edges right alongside men. The Church and its mission and a hurting world crave that personal and communal revival.
Looking back at the past 25 years of my life, church hierarchies have played central roles in the crises that my marriage, military career and academic endeavours have endured. As a consequence, it's with great conviction that I eagerly welcome the work that organizations such as the Atlantic Society of Biblical Equality are doing to promote equality among women and men in the Church. It was this trip to the 2024 CBE International Conference that demonstrated just how powerful this kind of organization is for equipping churches to prepare for and minister healing to people coming from backgrounds of painful betrayals in hierarchical relationships, as well as encourage and guide the change and repentance process within congregations. This is revival work.
To hear more from Jazmine about her journey of healing from hierarchy, join us for a special ASBE event on October 28 at 7:00 pm.